Andrea Hope - Alumni Retreat Assistant
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After a 24-year sexless and emotionally abusive marriage, I dove deep into - you guessed it - sex. After so many years of feeling like a bridge troll, it was intoxicating to find that people could actually be attracted to me. I had always been quite a depressive sort, but things got bad the day before Thanksgiving 2019. I looked at my children and instead of thinking "I'm here for them" the thought was "They'd be better off without me." That was all I needed to know that I needed help. I reached out to friends and to therapists for suggestions on an inpatient treatment center for depression. Both avenues gave me the same answer - The Bridge to Recovery in Bowling Green, KY. What I affectionately call Trauma Camp.
I discovered a lot about myself and my struggles there. I was told I was suffering from trauma around narcissistic abuse and a sex addiction. I honestly thought sex addiction was a thing celebrities used to get out of cheating. Nope, I was definitely addicted. This place began the journey back to myself. When I came out, they got me connected to one Christopher Shaw to see when I got back home. When we met, there was such an ease, a calm, a recognition. We were crying together shortly after meeting. We had a lot in common in our stories. I saw him for a little over a year and worked on dismantling my sex addiction. Hard work, but oh so worth it. I had to tackle things like boundaries, caretaking, people pleasing and finding my voice in all areas of life. I learned to love my body for the first time in my life, just as it was. I haven't been on a diet since. In 2021, during one of my most difficult years, I managed to truly fall in love with myself. And let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling. I wish I could bottle this feeling and give it to the world. In late 2024, I came back to Christopher because of some struggles that had begun to come up. He told me about his plant medicine retreats and that I needed to go. It would be like 10 years of therapy in a week. He was not wrong. I've had a lot of earth shattering moments on my healing journey - EMDR, Trauma Camp, energy healing, IFS, somatic therapies, ketamine assisted therapy - but biggest of all was this retreat. I not only found out more about myself, I found family. I may not be able to bottle up my self-love, but now I have the chance to help people on their journey to finding theirs. https://www.tiktok.com/@lovingyouyesyou |
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